My wife and I can’t hide it and we can’t deny it. We are the typical newly weds. We are everything that used to be slightly annoying about our newly married friends: the kisses, the cuddling, the cute little names we call each other over and over, the winks, the flowers I buy her, the constant talk of our great wedding, the little framed picture of us on the wall that says, “Two are better than one.” We have become the quintessential “mushy-gushy” couple, hopelessly optimistic about our future. We have little money but lots of laughs. We are young, we are in love, and we are Catholic.
I often like to tell the story of our engagement, because it really did set the tone for our whole married relationship. Laura and I had known each other for four years, and we had been dating off and on during that time. I, unfortunately, was having typical commitment issues springing from a fear of getting hurt in a relationship. But during the last of those four years we began to take serious steps in our relationship and grew closer with one another, and to move towards marriage. I began spending more time with her family, allowing her parents and siblings to get to know me a little better. I tried to go out of my way to assure her of my commitment, and I tried to back up my words with actions.
One week in the late spring of 2006, Laura went on a medical missions trip to Nicaragua, where, as a nurse, she and several other nurses spent time educating the local people about basic hygiene and preventative care, since poverty prevents many families from learning about things like germs or colds. While she was there doing this great work, I decided to ask Laura’s mother and father to go out to dinner one night. My purpose was to allow them to get to know me, to ask me questions, and in general to make sure that they were all right with the now-fast moving relationship that Laura and I had. They agreed to dinner, and we soon found ourselves talking over sandwiches about their wonderful daughter.
“I guess I just want to let you know,” I said nervously, “that even though things have been a little rocky in the past, I really am trying to do things right with Laura. We are praying with each other, and asking God for guidance, and I hope that you guys know that I really care about her.”
They were both smiling, and I knew they liked me. After all, I was a good guy, but they still needed to know my intentions, especially when they were considering the possibility of giving their daughter’s hand in marriage.
“Well,” her mother said, “we know you care about her, Jared. And we also know that Laura loves you very much.”
Her strong, loving father added, “And she is very happy with you, you make her smile more than she has in a long time, and that’s the truth.”
And so our conversation continued pleasantly, as we got to know one another more, and we finished our meal and headed back to their house, where I bid them goodnight.
Several weeks later the family was gearing up for a summer vacation at the New Jersey shore. Laura’s family was heading down that morning, while Laura and I were planning to go down the next day. So began the hustle and bustle of packing, loading up the cars, searching the garage for the misplaced beach paraphernalia, still full of last year’s sand. I decided to take Laura’s father aside, to ask him a very important question.
I had never been so nervous in my life. He probably was too. He was moving around various items in the garage, organizing and re-organizing, waiting for me to speak. I finally came out with something like this:
“…so I can’t promise you that Laura and I will be rich or anything. All I know is that I will take care of her, no matter what, and I love her very much. And, if I have your blessing, I would like to ask Laura to marry me.”
“Well, Jared, you have my blessing. You make her very happy, and that’s important. Money and all that, that will all take care of itself, don’t worry about that.”
I smiled. I didn’t know what to say, this man had just gave me his blessing to marry his beautiful daughter. Then he said, “You see, that wasn’t so bad!” And we both laughed.
The family went to the beach later that day. Laura and I agreed to meet up with each other the next morning, take care of a few errands, and then head down to join them. When we did meet up the next morning, she reminded me of a whole list of things we needed to get done before we left. But whatever was on her list, my “errand” had to take precedence. The ring that I had bought her, spending all my saved money, was now burning a hole in my pocket, and I couldn’t wait to give it to her.
“Why don’t we go visit my grandmother,” she said, “and then go to the bank before we head down, OK?”
“You know, hon,” I said, trying with all of my might to conceal my nerves, “I thought maybe we’d stop by St. Mary’s and say some prayers. We always say we want to put Christ at the center of our relationship, but we haven’t been to prayer in a while and I think it would be good for us.”
“OK, that sounds fine. I would like that, too. We can take care of all this stuff later then.”
So off we went to St. Mary’s, the ring still burning in my pocket, and the big question almost jumping off of my tongue. We arrived at St. Mary’s and walked into the church. The church was quiet, empty, the only presence indicated by a burning candle at the altar.
“Let’s go up to the tabernacle to pray,” I said.
“OK.”
We slowly made our way up to the altar, and knelt down before the Lord in the tabernacle.
“Do you want to say a rosary?” she asked.
“Well, hon, there is something else I wanted to say.” She just looked at me, waiting…she had no idea it was coming.
I began by quoting Proverbs 31: “Many are the women of proven worth, but you have excelled them all.” She smiled. “Laura, I love you.” I stood her up, and got down on one knee before this beautiful girl, with teary eyes and shaking hands, trying not to drop the ring. And in front of the Lord and the whole host of heaven, her and I alone in St. Mary’s church, the words we both dreamed of growing up came from my lips.
“Laura, will you marry me?”
She cried, and laughed, and laughed, and cried.
“Well?” I said.
“Yes.”
We kissed.
To top off the whole event, I had arranged with the very kind, very busy Pastor to say Mass for the two of us, right after our engagement. We went to get him, and, happy for the both of us, he said Mass for us and blessed us. It was a true blessing to be able to receive Christ in the Eucharist and to ask God’s blessing upon our new engagement, literally putting him at the center of it all. That same priest would prepare us for marriage in the next months, and celebrate our wedding Mass a year later.
Needless to say, the family was extremely excited to receive us at the shore that week. We had champagne and cake to celebrate, and spent lots of time walking on the boardwalk and having fun.
After a beautiful and holy wedding this past June, Laura and I find ourselves beginning the battle of bills and schedules, of work and responsibilities, and all the other trials that go along with life. But in the midst of our new challenges, we have kept Christ in the center, praying with each other, reading Scripture, receiving the Sacraments. And of course, we have that lovey-dovey kindness that all newly weds have that probably is quite annoying to some of our friends. We are far from perfect, but I’d like to think that our newly-wed happiness stems from more than just pure emotion. It’s also the fruit of a very Christ centered relationship, and the constant daily decision to put all things in God’s hands. We are young, we are in love, and we are Catholic.
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